(ThyBlackMan.com) The willingness to compromise is a great asset to a relationship. In marriage it ends fights before they can begin. However, there are some areas whereby compromise is simply not enough. Certain subjects need to be met with total agreement as they are a foundation area for how your family will operate. There is no right and wrong answer as every family is different, but there must be agreement. The lack of being able to agree in certain areas tends to cause strife in the relationship, and strain on children. Before getting married there must be an understanding regarding finances, spirituality, and child rearing. These many seem like compromising spaces, but the compromise won’t last long as these three areas will affect every aspect of one’s life.
It is important not to make the compromise that says I will marry regardless of common ground just to say I am married, and no longer alone. Many married couples can attest to the fact that one can be married, and still feel isolated and alone. Take the time to analyze these four areas to know your individual stance on it before sitting down to discuss with another. Knowing who you are, what you want, and what is non-negotiable will help you understand your compatibility, which could save you heartache down the future.
1. A couple must have agreement where finances are concerned. Granted you can compromise when making a budget, when you want to buy a home, or how you intent to save money. However, how you view money must be an area you can agree upon. Do you have his, and her, money? Do you save separately? Will all accounts be joint accounts? Will you have a joint account, and separate accounts? These are areas that must be expressly agreed upon, and require full honesty when discussing. Not being transparent in this area can cause fights down the road by which one party is bound to be dissatisfied.
2. Spirituality comes in many forms, and it does have a hand in governing one’s thoughts on morality. Whether one is religious, or not, it is important to put all cards on the table in this area. Some couples exist just fine with more than one belief in the house. They function well in an interfaith setting. When this happens both parties are supportive of each other in the belief of their choice. However, there are some that stand by the position that a family must operate under one unified belief system. These are strong positions, and love doesn’t necessary fix these differences. There must be complete agreement on the path taken as it can affect the next area.
3. How one feels about child rearing tends to be a combination of spiritual beliefs, how one was reared, and what one has learned over time. Agreement on child rearing is more than simply do we choose to spank or not. It can involve how hands on each person wants to parent. Men and women parent differently, and that is not a bad thing as it brings balance. However, its best to discuss said differences before getting married. It may seem trivial, but some men will have to make it known upfront they expect to be hands on in the rearing and care of their children, and ever aspect of it will be a joint decision. This lets the woman know she can’t merely make decision without him. In many instances its understood that mothers will be hands on, but if she feels the need to speak about parenting positions she is firm on she should do so. There needs to be agreement on the basics, as we know so much regarding children has to be faces as it occurs.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it can become hell quickly when one assumes about said topics. Infidelity is not the major cause of a marriage dying, one can argue it is a lack of agreement on big issues that can drive the deepest divides. Before proposing, accepting, or saying I do be sure you are on one accord about the foundation of what is about to be your life together. It can cause peace to abound in your marriage, which is an absolute necessity.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr