Nowadays, most first dates can range from being highly interactive to possibly not really engaging with one another because of the location of the date (i.e., movie theater). So I thought about the people who go out on a second date and got past the typical, “What’s your favorite color? How many children do you have or want? What do you do for a living?” questions that have already been asked. Now what do you talk about on perhaps the second or third date? With the help of some of my social media friends, here are some great follow-up questions to ask, after the first date with someone:
- What’s your relationship like with your family?
- What’s your relationship history? How many long and short term relationships?
- Who are the men/women you look up to most in your family or network?
- How do you handle conflict in a relationship?
- What does a good and bad day look like for you?
- What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activities to do in your spare time?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received and why is it the best to you?
- Do you communicate with any of your ex partners? Excluding co-parenting situations.
- What does a great date consist of to you?
- Do you believe in gender identified roles in the home? Examples: The man is the head of the household; women should stay home and clean and care for the children only; etc.
I have to say, number two can be as detailed as you are comfortable with discussing and as broad as you need to be because you don’t know this person yet enough to tell them all of your business. I’ve learned over the years that some women will tell their whole life stories on the first date and by the second date, some of them have already planned their wedding day with this person. If this is you, take your time and really get to know people while you’re dating. Most men however, will quickly generalize their past relationships or be very careful with discussing too many personal details about their life, that early while dating.
You definitely want to ask those challenging questions around resolving conflicts, such as numbers four and five above. Every time you two are together, it won’t be all roses for either of you. Sometimes, people just have bad days (or moments as I process them). Learning early how your potential partner handles conflicts within a relationship specifically is key. Their conflict with their boss, siblings or parents will be different than their conflict with you. Again, looking ahead and knowing that times will get tough at some point and knowing how to get through those tough times together, will surely help your relationship long term.
If you have been dating or just started dating, make sure that you ask these questions sooner rather than later. It’s quite normal to get so caught up in the excitement of those first dates, but make sure that you have the conversations needed to help you gauge the direction of the relationship, moving forward.
